I’m being smothered right now by the weight of school and work tasks. Not to mention the fact that I can’t seem to remember how to take care of myself. I took a break from blogging the other week and I don’t want to do it again. But I’m just asking you to bear with me as it may take me a day or two off.  Today was one of those days where it all piled up on top of my shoulders. You know the kind of day I’m talking about. You find out that on top of the task you have to get done? You have to do this, this, AND this in order to actually get that task done. Not to mention this. And that.

Here’s an example of what I’m doing tomorrow and Wednesday:

• Call for histories, for fieldwork/internship (school)
• Clean and organize huge supply closet (work)
• Start research and write a Literature Review by Monday (HA!) (school)
• Write a report for assessment done in internship last Friday – must go back to facility to review file to do so. (school)
• Scan a massive 250 page document for an instructor (work)

And that’s not even all of it. I can’t even figure out when to exercise or eat. :p Which is why I mention cheese and bacon…Wouldn’t that be tasty on a baked potato?!

I just need your thoughts and a few hugs. Only 2 more weeks until Spring Break and our honeymoon. I’m not sure I can make it through the next few days….

On December 18, 2010…My graduation from Western Michigan University will happen. I will walk that day with a Master’s degree in my hand. I will, undoubtedly, feel extremely elite, privileged, and gosh darn it…PROUD of myself.  I am more than nervous about that day. Because once I graduate, I will be leaving behind that student status that I have held onto for so long. It took me freaking forever to finally get that bachelor’s degree. Most of my adult life so far has been buried under homework. I am so sick and tired of it. SOOOO TIRED OF IT.  I have 6 months of homework with the professors…And then 6 months of homework given to me by my fieldwork supervisors.

I think fieldwork is what I’m scared of the most. Because it’s so close. And I feel so scared that I don’t know enough.

Anyway….I’ll get through that ok.

But what I don’t know if I can get through is the anticipation. Because once I’m done with school, we can go anywhere. Anywhere my heart desires, in this country, for a job. And I am aching for Colorado. A place I haven’t even visited before. I will be visiting for the first time in a little under a month, right after Christmas and not coming back until after New Years. It will be my first taste of my possible future.

The opportunities for me out there? So much more than what I can receive here in Michigan. I hate it here. Except for the fact that I have a ton of family here. It will suck to leave them.  I think I will feel guilty leaving them…but I need to open my wings and my horizons and reach out to other things that will improve me professionally…

Anyway, I just have a lot on my mind about all of this. In a little over 6-8 months, I can begin applying for jobs that will begin January 2011. Holy hell, that’s scary isn’t it!?

I get intimidated quite easily by the silliest things, I must admit. In this instance, I am admitting that I get nervous when I have to talk to my academic advisor…let’s call her Sheryl *. So…she is tough to approach. She is bristly, prickly, and blunt.  She is somewhat nice at times, but she is SO blunt and seems cranky all the time. I have had nice moments with her. And I have had difficult moments with her. No matter what, though, I almost always have a panic attack before I have to approach her for anything (along with my other advisor, Brenda**).

I talked with her over a month ago when I decided to postpone my fieldwork until next semester. We were discussing whether or not I was going to postpone my program. She didn’t think I should and thought maybe I should drop my graduate assistantship. I decided at the time, to postpone the program and NOT drop the GA.

But…recently, I decided that I was NOT going to postpone my program. I was only postponing for ONE class. ONE CLASS. A class that is rumored to be relatively simple to get through. The money isn’t going to be an issue, and I would end up in less debt if I just took the class NOW than later. So, yeah. It only is taking a few more hours out of my week. So I emailed that advisor today to get added to the class. And now I’m in it!

THEN…I get an email from her this afternoon.

Subject: Appointment

Melissa,

Do you have time this week to sit down and meet?  Here are a few
times that would work for me:

Thursday 2-3:30
Friday 1:30 - 3

Gah. Seriously?? I really hate when she does that…Sends off emails to request an appointment…and doesn’t even say what is about. At first, all I could think about was bad stuff. Crap…was I not getting in enough of my hours for my GA? Did I do something wrong…? Oh, right. Time to go back through my timeline for finishing school…and I bet ANYTHING that she’s going to try and talk me out of my GA.

I know know know I can handle it and I’m GOING to be firm about keeping the GA. But she likes to throw out a lot of excuses and negativity and I’m afraid I will fold. If I don’t take the GA, I will still have to end up getting a part time job next semester. Which may end up being more hours. And A LOT less money…with no tuition being paid for. None. The GA pays me AND it pays me for 3 credit hours. It’s a no brainer. Especially when the job isn’t all that difficult to begin with!

Wish me luck as I visit with her tomorrow (Thursday). I hate that she didn’t tell me what the meeting was about…HATE IT. But I will hate it more if I walk in there like a big fat WIMP. I’m not a wimp…She just intimidates me so badly…

*not her real name, duh
**not her real name either!

I have made some cut backs. Some serious cut backs. But first, I just wanted to let you know that in two weeks? I’ve lost 5 pounds. This good be due to eating better or possibly the fact that I had the flu last week and had no appetite. But I’d like to think the nutritionist knows something!

Anyway, over the last several months, I have been experiencing fatigue on a regular basis. Sometimes for a period of week at a time. I’ll experience it with a nice headache and sore throat.  It sucks.  A lot.

This time around? It’s been around 4 or 5 weeks.

Went yesterday to see the doc and for bloodwork. There’s no chance in heck it’s mono, as I’ve had it and it wouldn’t last this long even if I had a minor “relapse”.  I’ve also been unable to exercise regularly in FOREVER. Gaining weight, even though my appetite is on the low side and I’m eating healthier.  The doctor doesn’t think I should still be feeling this way after stopping my meds either. It’s been long enough that my body should have adjusted a LONG time ago and I didn’t take the concerta long enough for my body to have any issues.

They are looking at bloodcounts and all that fun stuff. But I’m also being checked for anemia and thyroid issues. My grandmother had had thyroid issues all her life and it’s sometimes been found that there is a genetic connection.

The problem is that fatigue is such a BROAD symptom and can really mean ANYTHING.

Does anyone know of someone or have issues themselves with their thyroid or anemia? I’d like to find out more about the symptoms that are involved. I can google whatever, but sometimes I feel more lost when I have done that.

- – -

The reason my title is cut backs? Is because I’ve had to quit clinicals this semester and move them to NEXT semester, unfortunately. Which is going to push my graduation date 6 months to June 2011. And I’m actually VERY ok with this. I will be done well before I’m 30. Lol…

I feel good over all with my decision and am at peace with it. I really really am…Sure, it means more time without a job. It also could mean more debt thanks to student loans. OH WELL. I’m ok with this! Dan and I have talked and we understand that my first couple of years of salary after I’m done with school…well,at least HALF of it, is going toward student loans, to pay them off.

Today was my first day back at school for the fall semester. I wasn’t there for class today, though. I was there for my first day of work as a graduate assistant. There wasn’t a ton for me to do, in regards to assisting any instructors today. So I was tossed to sit at the front desk. Which was simple, annoying, and just stressful overall. I had to deal with way too much little “crap”. ANNOYING crap. Granted, I know that I was helpful. I just wanted to do “real” work.  Sigh…

I’m excited for what the new school year holds…a meeting with a professor this afternoon in regards to something I’m helping with? Made me feel amazing and needed. Good stuff.

Sorry this is so vague…and short. I just wanted to let you know that it was a good day. I hope that tomorrow will be just as good…