I hit the brakes last week, took a break from blogging and thought I could catch up on some things happening in life.  I missed blogging, I DID! I  missed your encouraging words and advice, etc. Thank goodness for twitter.  It was such a long crazy week.

And boy….What I would give to feel good enough to drink a bottle of wine right now. 

I feel like I was hit by a bus. I have had some funky viruses and sinus infections over the last year, but this?? This??? Holy crap. I have the worst bug I have had in ages.  It started Saturday. The day I had planned Dan’s 30th birthday party.  I woke up feeling kind of tired and blah, but I shook it off. Except that I had this horrible sore throat starting. It was aching and scratchy and my body was beginning to feel out of it.  But I pushed through. Dan’s parents were coming down and we had people driving up at least an hour to be there.  And it was a great get together. It was fun to talk and joke with people I don’t get to see all that often. It felt great! My throat was still killing me, but I was having a good time and I just ignored it. Ordered a few gin & tonics (or vodka tonics), had some amazing appetizers and this spicy pasta that made my throat burn in a bad AND good way. Then the cake. Oh, the cake. I drove an hour on Thursday just to get this amazing cake, from this place called The Flour Shop. If they had been closer, they would have been the place I got my cake for the wedding. It was completely worth the one hour drive. I’m not a HUGE fan of their chocolate cake, but it is what Dan wanted. I had this cake for my bridal shower…And it is so light, fluffy, not at all heavy. The icing? Light as a FEATHER! It almost has a whip cream like consistency. 

We were only out a few hours, and by the time the evening ended? I finally FELT it. Granted, the alcohol probably helped with the crummy feeling, but oh my goodness, the second we got into the car, I felt sick.  It’s a sick that leaves me feeling very happy to just STAY in bed. I did yesterday, pretty much. I stayed in bed until about 11 or 12. Laid there with a book for awhile. Got up around….3? maybe? Watched some DVR’D What Not to Wear. Laid down some more. Came back to the living room to watch a little of the super bowl and the commericals (I was so disappointed at how crappy they were this year). I went BACK to bed at half time, the Colts were winning and I was happy. I had gotten through the day. Sore throat and stuffy nose. Couldn’t get worse than that, right?

Wrong. Woke up at 4am today. I hurt. Everywhere. EVERYTHING. I decided around 5:30 to jump in the shower to see if I could relax and I’m NOT joking — the water hurt.  Hurt as it hit my skin, hurt as it hit my hair. HURT.  I took some more medicine, emailed my professors to say I would NOT be in classes today and I was back to bed until cloose to noon today. I’m just up right now to eat a little bit and then I’m kicking back on the couch. I DVR’d Mean Girls on Saturday and I think I’ll fall asleep this afternoon to that.

Dan is leaving this afternoon (or in the morning? I can’t remember) for some work conference…I really hope that he stays healthy.  Whatever it is that I have? It’s super contagious, I’m afraid. I think I picked it up on Thursday…Went to see some family on Thursday when I was down getting the cake.  Family that was getting over being sick. First my aunt, then my cousin, then my uncle..I only saw the aunt and cousin on Thursday and they seemed to be feeling better…But you never know how long germs chill out in the air. Even if she DID lysol and clorox wipe the place like crazy.  I really think it’s the same because my symptoms came on exactly like theirs. Sore throat. Stuffy, runny nose. Body aches. NO FEVER.  How is that even possible? To have all this without a fever? My temp actually could qualify for low grade fever; I run a 97F regularly, and hit around 99F yesterday.

Anyway, Dan has been the perfect little husband, lysoling this and that, wiping EVERYTHING down that I may have touched. Sleeping on the guest bed to stay away from the germies.  And that’s about it. I need to lay down now. I have been sitting up way too long.

*Er…I cursed a little bit….Sorry! Just wanted to let you know so you won’t be all offended and such*

I went to the ENT this week. Nothing is visibly wrong with my sinuses from his point of view. So the jerk is sending me off to get a CT scan, which I still have not even bothered scheduling. He pissed me off, dang it. Why? Why am I so apt to calling this doctor a jerk?

I hate specialists, for the most part. Sometimes they seem to act all high and mighty like they have so many better places to be on that particular morning… I was talking to him when he first came in, telling him how I felt…and I just felt no empathy from him. I know that empathy can be a very difficult thing to build up, to become “good” at. I have to work on my own empathetic style. It’s hard. Whatever. I just felt nothing from him. No care. No concern. And no sense of humor. He asked me why I had never seen an allergist. Erm…Because my doctor had never referred me to one? And I don’t have seriously bad seasonal allergies…and because my doctors have seen me take zyrtec, allegra, claritin, amongst other drugs for years with nothing working. Allergies weren’t the first thing we thought of.

Oh! And then I told him about Atlas. Maybe I had issues with the dog, but we had given him up to Dan’s parents and it hadn’t changed anything. To which he replied something along the lines of how the dog must not have meant much to him/us. Er….Seriously, dude? He wasn’t joking. Not even being sarcastic. I come from a family of seriously sarcastic people. This man was not joking. I think tears kind of stung my eyes a bit when he said that! It was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made in my entire life so far.  I’ve had plenty of tough things go on in life, but sitting down with Dan to discuss giving up his dog? Yikes. It’s one of those things that I was scared would ruin the relationship.  Regardless of how it hasn’t helped my allergies, though, it turned out to be a good decision. We do not have room for that big cuddly bum!

Needless to say, I’m being sent off to the allergist. SUPPOSED to go this Thursday, but I’m going to have to call them. When I got the word from my doc’s office that I had the appointment, it was on Wednesday. I had stopped taking my Allegra at that point, because they told me to. But I got a letter in the mail today from the Allergist, and I’m supposed to be off that type of med for 2 WEEKS. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ll have to change the appointment. I seriously hope not. I want to go and get it down with.

Today has been the last straw for me, in a way.

I woke up this morning with a raging headache. RAGING. The only thing I had can for it, if it has a decongestant in it, is very limited…to mostly pseudoephedrine. HATE taking those meds. It’s the only thing I’ve got, though. Sigh… I felt like complete ass and I even had to call a close friend and let her know I couldn’t make it to her baby shower. For all I know when I feel like garbage is that I’m actually coming down with something else. I have to play it safe. Another friend asked if I wanted to go grab Irish stew for lunch and I was all for it.  Yes, I should have just stayed home for that, too. I have zero appetite.  My sinuses are raging, my ears are full, and I’m DIZZY, not to mention nauseated from the sinus drainage. I slacked off on taking decongestants AND using my Neti pot this week and now my sinuses are PUNISHING ME for this.

It is BULLSHIT that I have had to deal with this for so long. It is BULLSHIT that all of the primary care doctors that I have ever seen over the years never put two and two together and insisted I be referred to a specialist for this. IT INFURIATES ME that I had to step in and do it myself and it makes me BAWL to have to deal so far with an ENT who was a complete ASSHOLE towards me. Like, why the fuck was I wasting his time!!

I wanted SOOOOO BAD for something to be wrong with me on Tuesday when I went to see him. I wanted something to be glaringly obvious. I wanted something to be more than relatively normal.  I wish he had seen me today… Because he saw me on what was a good day for me. Sitting there asking me if I had ever tried this and that.  YES! YES I HAVE. I have tried every single pill. EVERY SINGLE NOSE SPRAY. EVERYTHING.  Did you not hear me?? Already said all that.

This sinus issue has ruined my life. It really really has. My quality of life, for sure and I can’t live this way anymore. I hope that the allergist finds out something…

An advisor of mine at the school? Told me had the same issues and it turned out to be allergic reaction to milk. I could deal with milk…but what if its a gluten allergy?

I have decided that I will not go get that CT scan until after I see the allergist. Don’t want to bother the ENT with a waste of time “NORMAL” scan….If the allergist can’t find anything, I mean. That’s when I’ll get it.

Until then, I’m under the wrath of my sinuses at the moment. Headache. Dizzy. Feeling hit by a truck, though no fever, so that’s a plus…Sitting in bed…With my humidifier on. A glass of ginger ale at my side. Trying to study for a midterm.  So tired of my sinuses punishing me for a crime I committed…an unknown crime…

I’m knee deep into my third full day with the flu. I’m so flustered, as I have a load of homework to do, and a teacher who says I have to chase down classmates for notes from yesterday. Sigh…Just send me a brief synopsis! I haven’t done a ton of homework as of yet, though I planned to while on my back. But I can’t concentrate.  What is especially nice right now is that the university has a policy in place for flu students now, due to an expected outbreak of H1N1, which I don’t think I (and the doc) don’t think I have. However, because the only way to know for sure is with lab tests being sent to the health department (which I was not sent to have done), they are still taking precautions for anyone who has flu symptoms.

Meaning…no teacher can MAKE me do work. Suckers! However, after I am feeling back to normal, I will be tossing myself back into all the homework I missed this weekend. SO MUCH FUN, YO. Until then…. I’m just going to lay here, going in and out of sleep, drinking my gatorade, and playing on Farm Town on Facebook. Because there’s nothing on tv.  The down thing? Dan is out of town right now on a business retreat. I hope he doesn’t get sick…  But I’m glad he’s out of the house while I’m going through the worst, so he may not get it…

It would be nice to have him here to get things for me, etc, though….

I’m in significant pain this morning, which is rather unusual. I have cramps that are sending me into a talespin. I’m laying in bed still, trying to will myself to get up. I got up early this morning, had plans to work out before class. I had been pumped. But within minutes of waking up and trying to eat breakfast, I found myself doubled over in pain….pain radiating from my ovaries to my stomach. Thankfully, I have motrin 800s leftover from…something, can’t remember what…oh yeah! From my root canal.  I can’t figure out, though, why it hasn’t helped my headache just yet.

I haven’t had bad cramps in YEARS. YEARS, I tell you. I mean, I get crappy ones all the time, but bad ones that leave me stranded in bed? Not in forever. I remember missing school off and on in middle/high school for the days I felt like I was in labor. OH, boy. Those days were rough and thank goodness, its not nearly as bad today. But its still blah.

I’m wondering if this has anything to do with going off the pill and getting the IUD instead. I’m going to guess that that is a HUGE part of it.  The IUD has a different hormone in it, and I’m not getting as much of hormones as I was getting on the pill.  I’m just curious how this is going to affect my body overall. I’m concerned really.  For instance, I have cramps that are bad…but haven’t…aheam, started my period as of yet.  Will I get a period? Or will I be like some women who don’t get it at all with this contraption?

- – -

Moving on. I’ve got a decision to make. Whether to make this blog a lot more public than it is right now. It is already apparent, that due to linking to articles, you can find me through google very easily. VERY easily.  And now that my brother is working on my new wordpress theme, it will be up on his portfolio, I’m sure. And family looks at that. So, I might as well make it public. I just don’t feel like going through nearly 300 posts to find out if I’ve put anything offensive up. I mean, I don’t want to piss people off. Or make them embarrassed, or OFFEND them.

What am I most afraid of? I don’t know. Maybe giving up on my “diary”. I know it’s not exactly private anyway, since it’s online…and I guess if I have something iffy to write, I could always password protect it….only giving the password to people I trust to give it to.

We’ll see.

- – -

I’m laying back down momentarily. I hurt so bad. :p

In the last few months, I have been sick quite often. Fatigue.  Sore throats. Just feeling BLAH. It happens often after I’ve gone through a couple of weeks of working out on a regular basis. It’s a cycle. I work out hard, I end up using too much energy or something, then I’m sick.  I get better in a few days, then I get back on the workout train…and again I get sick.

I try to eat as health as I can, I take vitamin supplements to be there for me if I can’t get in enough fruits and veggies for the day. I have lowered the amount of carbs I am eating (well, the wrong carbs!).

You could say that I’m under enough stress to cause serious health problems. Maybe. But I keep remembering when I was finishing up my bachelor’s degree…I worked full time…and between January and June of that year? I had taken 18 credit hours of classwork. Yes, I did. I was kicking butt. Yes, I was tired and yes, I went through some IBS issues, but overall, I wasn’t all that sick.

So stress can’t entirely be the issues, you know?

I went to the doctor today. Once again. And I’ll have to go through another round of antibiotics. Just in case. The doc first of all thinks that MAYBE I’ve got an infection that is reoccuring. Which could be possible.   So, we hope we’ll wipe whatever it is out.  Whatever is going on is definitely a trial and error thing, so we have to start somewhere.

Though…I’m not big into taking antibiotics when we’re not 100% sure what’s going on.

Oh. And I got blood taken today as well. Just a basic blood panel. Nothing major. Just to see if the basic numbers are looking abnormal. If they are, we’ll continue forword with other tests, I am sure.

So far, after doing a lot of research online (DO NOT DO. SO DANGEROUS!), I have decided that I could possibly have the following diseases:

• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Hypothyroidism
• Lymphoma
• Leukemia
• HIV (yeah, RIGHT!!!)
• Celiac Disease
• Any number of autoimmune diseases….

Whatever, you do…Don’t ever research your symptoms online.  Because when you do…? You get all of the worst case scenarios. Now if you could excuse me, I need to get back to deciding whether or not to add fibromyalgia to the list!

- – -

*just keep your fingers crossed and your prayers sent my way….this is causing a lot of angst on dan and i…we are more than frustrated that i almost never feel well these days. i don’t want to start off married life like this, you know?