I feel like I’ve lost touch lately, with my closest friends. There’s not a get deal of reciprocity happening, I guess. Maybe I feel like I’m the only one that ever writes, ever calls. At least with some. It’s kind of hard. Sometimes I like to pretend it doesn’t even bother me all that much.

But it bothers me today.

In class today we got to write goals for a partner in class. My friend Jessica and I wrote goals for each other. And we each wrote a meaningful, measurable goal that we would have to track.

For me…I hate talking on the phone. I don’t like calling people. I don’t like always having to be the one to call people. Seriously. I don’t. It’s exhausting. I’m busy as HELL with life and I always end up having to do all the work in almost every single relationship. Family. Friends. Everyone. I didn’t rant like this at Jessica.  Just to you guys.

Anyway. So my goal is to basically get over that anxious feeling when I pick up the phone to call my friends and family.

“Melissa will call 2 different friends each week for 4 weeks to help her reduce her anxiety of talking to someone on the phone.”

If I have your phone number? I might be calling you!

Recently, I found out that for my internship, all I’ll be wearing for 6 months (and even beyond if I get hired in!) is a black top, khaki pants, and black shoes. Kind of boring. Now if anyone knows anything about working in rehabilitation, it will be near impossible to wear a ton of jewelry to add some excitement and dimension to the outfit.  So I’ve been on the look out for cute little brooches and pins. They are small, shouldn’t get in the way, and many are colorful, which I NEED. I need color in my life!

I’ve been unable to find what I really want in stores, so I’ve been scouring etsy. Then, just before I made a purchase the other day, I remembered that Kerri had a store at etsy!  I also had recalled her mentioning one day on Twitter, that she had made new ruffly pins!

I ordered the one she had in stock…then asked about different colors, to which she replied by sending me pictures of the ones she had! OMG, I was in love with them ALL. I nearly bought them all, too.

All I all, I ended up with 5. I still haven’t told Dan about these purchases, either… Hehe…

Anyway, they came in today! While this isn’t the best picture, there wasn’t any good light to get them the way I would have liked them! (She also sent a cute little gift bag; I’m totally storing these in there!)

Aren’t these dreamy??

Pretty olive green, bright yellow, plum, bright blue, and bright pink (it looks red, but it’s totally not!)

Thank you, wishcake, for the lovely pins! And thank YOU for being a lovely friend! I can’t wait to start wearing them. Now I just have to figure out which one to wear first…Until I have to wear the drab colors, you can bet that I’ll be breaking these out even well before that.

Today has been dragging, unfortunately. I didn’t fall asleep this morning until about 4:30am. A combination of taking my medication late and a large amount of caffeine during the day? Wasn’t a wise decision.  Lesson learned, moving on.

I rolled out of bed at 10 this morning, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I was meeting my dear friend, Brandy for shopping and lunch. I haven’t seen her in way too long. She’s one of my bridesmaids, a very close friend, and tomorrow is her birthday…AND she’s getting married! Just a private ceremony, though, with a dinner later that’s family only. She had to be forced to buy a white dress off of JCrew, because she didn’t want to do anything traditional. Anyway, she can’t make it either to my bridal shower and bachelorette party, which are tomorrow, as well. (Her wedding got planned AFTER I set the date for my stuff. BOO.)

I decided to nix the shopping though. I was tired and she had wanted to go at like 9. No way. So, I caught up with her AFTER she was done shopping. We went off to get manicures around 11.

Me, I also needed to get my brows waxed, and I don’t know about you, but those little Asian ladies who run those nail places? They do AWESOME brow waxes. They do a great job, they are cheaper than what the salon charges. I wasn’t thinking about the wax until I got there and sat down. She’s taking the polish off my nails. Asking if I’m sure I just want a manicure and not a pedicure.

“Nope, I did my own last night, I think I did an ok job and just want the fingernails done.” I had hoped it would be the end of that. The woman was clearly trying to get a little more business out of me. She kept looking at my toenails and smiling. Kiss my butt! NO, they don’t look perfect. I need to take my little nail polish remover pen thing to get rid of some of the stuff I accidentally painted on my skin, but whatever. I spent the time soaking them, removing cuticles, shaping them. Screw you. I’m not paying you to do something I feel I already did adequately.  I’m saying all of this in my head, mind you.

So she’s taking off my polish…and asks if I want a brow wax. I reply that I do…I had been looking at them this morning and noted what a b*tch is was going to be to pluck them and have a haircut tomorrow, so figured I’d do it then. But it’s cheaper, so why not…

She does my eyebrows. I’m happy. It doesn’t hurt, they look GREAT. Sorry, but after getting a Brazillian waxing done once…Facial waxings don’t bother me. Until now.

She looks at me closely and asks if I want an upper lip wax. What the what!? I get up close and personal with my face on a regular basis, and I haven’t exactly seen a mustache happening.  Sure, there’s some peach fuzz, but unless you’re 2 inches from my face, you won’t see it. It’s so short, I probably couldn’t even get at it with tweezers. It’s not dark enough to bleach. It’s just…NEVER BOTHERED ME BEFORE. “Um…do I need it?” I sound mortified…and small at the same time. She bluntly tells me yes. Fine fine fine…Whatever. Just do it. Kind of hurt. Not a big deal. I was afraid to say no. She was driving me nuts.

Now what bothers me?? I have started a cycle I can NEVER stop. I will now have to keep on waxing it, won’t I? Is this like the myth of when you shave or pluck that it just comes back thicker and darker??? OMG.

I finally settled down while there. Brandy is laughing, smirking, and looking mortified herself all at the same time. Like, what a nutty lady. Who, by the way, still tried to talk me into a pedicure once more time. NO, I don’t want a freaking pedicure. See, I don’t usually go to this place. It is $35 for a mani/pedi combo. But the other place I go? $30 for the combo. And I always get the same NICE lady. Who giggles lots. And says things I can’t understand to which I just smile back.

Won’t go back to Le Nails at the mall. Not if she says I have to get an upper lip wax. :p

(PS: It was so fun to go to lunch with a bright red mustache, by the way…All swollen and tender…FUN!)

- – -

We then went to Olive Garden for lunch. I love that place, but the only thing I ever get is soup/salad/breadsticks combo. Ever. I was good. I had a lot of salad,  only one bowl of soup…and only ONE breadstick. Holy moses. ONE breadstick. This is only because I’m on this medication that makes me not hungry. Usually, I’m asking them to fill it up twice! And the soup at least once. And the salad? LOTS!

Since she can’t be there tomorrow, she gave us a card and a gift certificate to Wal-Mart. It was a half serious and half joking gift. We both love and hate that place all at the same time. I dig it because I can by cheap pictures frames and beauty stuff. I just HATE going in there. Ugh. She also gave us a more serious gift, a Willow Tree figurine. These are SO pretty. Some people use  this style for a cake topper, but since we already bought one (and because this is HEAVY), I need to find a special place for it here in the house.

“For those who have found their true partner in love and life.”

Corny, yes… but lovely.

Shameless Plug: I haven’t been posting tons the last couple of weeks (THANK YOU WMU!), but if you’re interested in my completely random thoughts on a more regular basis: My Tumblr. Just little thoughts that take too much energy to type a whole blog entry about. Seriously, I just hit this little tab thing on my bookmarks and boom…I can easily post something. Perfection.

SO…..Yeah. I have had the life sucked out of me this week. SUCKED OUT OF ME. I’m exhausted.  I have taken in so much information that it is PATHETIC. I sat through….20 hours of lectures and blah blah blah information at school. I have no idea how many hours I sat researching, reading, typing up homework. But the first week back to classes has made me realize how much harder this is going to get.

The good news is that I’m not feeling too scared and I actually feel rather confident, to tell you the truth.  This week is the first time I actually feel…confident that I have gone into the right career field. I’ve been scared! I have been uncertain and self-conscious!

- – -

Just a brief rant about the weather…it has been in the 70s ALL week. But what is the temperature today on  my day off? OH, only 50F.   This is the current forecast for today, tonight, tomorrow. What a crappy weekend!

I, of course, would prefer that it went back to the 70 degree temperatures so I could enjoy a beer outside in the sun. Kind of like what a did a couple of weekends ago…Ah…. I had gone for a run and instead of enjoying water, I enjoyed beer. He he….

This picture certainly shows off my banging curves….

- – -

In other news, my ex-maid of honor has been doing her best to weasel her way back into my life. I’m at a stand still and not sure what to do at this point. She has been frequently emailing and texting me messages of how much she misses me. I miss her too, but I don’t miss the stress and anxiety she caused me on a regular basis.

I did stop by to see her yesterday. But only because a buffer was there. If another person had not been there I would not have stopped by. I feel semi-sorry for Heather right now.  She did end up breaking off her relationship with her married boyfriend. Excuse me. HE broke it off.  He went back to his wife. Decided against the divorce. So now she needs someone to feel sorry…for her? With her? Throw her a pity party? I’m not sure.

I felt very awkward. Perhaps it was because I was insanely exhausted after an 11 hour day at the school. Maybe it was because someone I barely knew was there. Or maybe it was because I already feel like we’ve…broke up?

Don’t know….

I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m insanely frustrated.   It’s been a very long day…

Finally went to the doctor because I felt like crap for one second too long. They swabbed up my nose to see if I had a “known” flu strain (how they do that? I don’t know but that sounds like crap!) and they took blood to check my WBC (white blood count). Before all that,  when I first GOT to my examination room, the college’s student clinic literally had a tornado drill. Ugh.  Seriously? Sigh…. It’s been a long day. I was at the doctors for only a little over an hour. I guess that’s not TOO bad. But it took a lot of energy out of me. A LOT.

In between all that I was coordinating with my very sweet matron of honor…Starting to talk about plans for my bridal shower, dates and such.  I’m excited! I think we’re going to host it at one of my favorite restaurants…It will be free to have it there (well, not the FOOD, just the room, lol….) and we’re going to hold it on a Saturday that is not during one of my school semesters.  We got it all set with what I wanted, what was more convenient with me…and of course the matron of honor.

But the maid of honor? Is in danger of losing her title. And I don’t feel bad about it.

I texted her today to let her know when we were planning it. August 15th.

This is a nice text conversation between the two of us (since she was at work and I couldn’t call her)

Me: August 15th has been slated for the shower!

Her: I might not be here…I’m on vacation that week…we r planning on going away.

(Right here, I’m thinking…Ok….Not a biggie…maybe moving it up a week…?)

Me: Yeah, alicia [my matron of honor, by the way] is on vacation the following week. i can’t go into september because of school. i’d like to do it then because i am out of the school for just two weeks this summer. blah. whatev.

Her: Ok, I’ll still help plan. I just won’t probably be able to come.

Me: For sure no? Alright….

Her: For sure plan to be gone…sorry.

[Wait…I think she said she…might not be here. So confused.)

Me: Well, what about the 8th?

Her: That’s better. I just can’t guarantee a Saturday until 2 weeks before….our schedule changes every two weeks and I’ll most likely have Saturdays but I never know until 2 weeks before.

( WAIT WAIT WAIT…How did she get off the days for the WEDDING…and the day after….If she doesn’t know until 2 weeks before?? WAIT!!!! How is she and her not-yet-divorced boyfriend planning on going away if she doesn’t know 2 weeks in advance about a Saturday? I DON’T GET IT.)

Me: Well…I can’t wait that long to plan…. Oh, well. No worries.

Her: Well, I don’t expect you to…I just don’t want to give you false expectations either.

Me: I want you to be there. You’re my maid of honor and I want to try and work out the best time for everyone…

Her: I want to be there…very much…Planning around my job is almost impossible. If the 8th works out for everyone else, that’s better for me.

Me: I’ll do what I can.

- – -

But after careful consideration and a conversation with my mom…I can’t possibly do it on the 8th. The semester ends on the 14th. I will have finals that week. I do NOT want to deal with a bridal shower right before FINALS. No thanks.

So I later texted her and emailed her along with the other bridesmaids that I was setting the date as August 15th. That’s it. That’s final and I explained why I was doing it that day.

She never texted me back.

I don’t know what to do.  I’m just disappointed. We’ve been frenimies (friend & enemies!) since middle school. She’s a good friend to me. She has been for an awfully long time. She was there for me when I left Trent. SHE helped me move out. She did everything she could to help me. Shoot, she’s still storing some of my things that I haven’t gotten over here to Dan’s place. She’s a good friend to me overall. She is.

But I think I may only keep one maid of honor….my matron of honor. Because while she may be a good friend…I don’t think I can consider her a maid of honor. She’s certainly not made of honor — I just feel like there is something she isn’t being honest about and it hurts me feelings.

I know she and my matron of honor do not really get along….and I hope that’s not the reason she’s trying to find a way out of this whole thing….

I’m so confused and disappointed….