just me
Originally uploaded by BlueEyezz.

an updated look at my hair….i don't think i'll be growing it out ever again. it looks so awesome! lol….

I'm finally going to the doctor and will be asking about being put on the following:

Here's to being brave and wanting to live a normal life again!

December 23, 2007
Originally uploaded by BlueEyezz.

From myself and Trent.

On my gifts:

- Nike Imara HeartRate Monitor watch from Trent
- Victoria's Secret Amber Romance Gift set from Trent
- Nightshirt, robe , slipper socks, and a salad spinner from Dad and Betty
- Cookbook: Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld and a lamp-bulb fragrance diffuser - from Trent's brother Chad and sister-in-law Jennette
- A signed copy of Detours, Tow Trucks And Angels in Disguise by Carol Kent, Bath and Body Works Sugar & Spice Lotion and Candle, appetizer platter, tealight candle holder - from Trent's parents
- A lovely check from my mother
- “Made by Melissa” tags for my knitting from my dear friend Heather

Ike says Hi, too.

Originally uploaded by BlueEyezz.

Alright this post IS about little old vain me. But today I felt a sense of accomplishment I haven't felt in so long.

I bought a pair of size 6s Abercrombie Jeans, like, two months ago…In the vain set mind that I was going to get into them. I've been very down and out that I haven't been able to…and since my 90 day period for returns were coming up…I had planned on taking them back. For some reason…I tried them on today.

I'm not seeing a major change in my weight on the scale…but obviously, my body MUST be changing, because I am in them. And they aren't skin tight. And I don't care if it seems vain that I'm posting this.

I haven't been this size in two years. TWO YEARS. At least not without bulging out of my size 6 pants. It has taken me that long to get off the weight gained from taking Lexapro and from working at Kellogg (and eating all the time) and going to another job where all I did was sit on my butt and do absolutely nothing all day…didn't even have energy to exercise.

My high weight was about 150. I'm still about 133-135 and again, I don't care if I lose much more. It just feels good to be back into a six. That's precisely in my comfort zone!

Well, in the last month or so, my credit score (for Experian anyway), went up 50 points!  I almost have….fair credit! :)  And I can NOT wait…. This news could not come at a better time for be as I am beginning to freak out about money and school and finding a part-full time job. I'm probably going to end up carrying 2 jobs at least, as most assisted living homes, etc are only hiring part time.

Also, it's been quite some time since I actually took a “REAL” college course (not an accelerated one). Real one's are so much harder than the accelerated ones. I have no idea why. They just ARE.

Oh and I almost forgot to mention that I pretty much already have an on-call position with Hospice of Southwest Michigan. I have heard from so many that it is an experience I will never forget and one that I will LOVE LOVE LOVE apparently.  I would be working here, a very gorgeous facility that I had a pleasure of touring. It was kind of sad hearing about the place…She said they have had adults there as young as 19…..and some people who have died within just hours of checking in. Can you imagine?? A family packs their loved one's up and then…BOOM! I'm curious, in these cases, why they did not just have a hospice nurse come to the home…Well, whatever…I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm beginning to sound a tad….DISRESPECTFUL towards the whole idea. But I'm not. I guess death doesn't bother me that much. My own mortality, maybe, but when I worked in an assisted living home a few years back and saw many pass away….I think I unfortunately grew a little numb towards it….

Well, I thought I had Christmas all figured out. Then my family plans fell through. The one's on the 22nd? Yeah. Fell apart. SUCKS. I don't want to get into why and how, because it's such a long drawn out pathetic story, but we did manage to arrange an earlier get together for Christmas eve…Usually it's at 6 and now it's at 3. So NOW Trent and I can go, stay a couple of hours and drive up to GR be there by 6. 

But now Trent's family is all up in arms. Well, we're really only pissing off his brother and sister-in-law. Yes, we understand they have kids. But COME ON! They are trying to ask Trent to ask me to ask my family (following yet?) if they'd push their's even earlier. I can't ask them to do that. It's really the earliest they can do it with my aunt having to work. I think that's rather selfish. His sister-in-law, while I care for her dearly….is a bitch. Don't mind me for going off about her,  please. She's just selfish and thinks that family get togethers have to revolve around THEM and their kids. We'll be there in time for dinner!!! What are they complaining about exactly??? “Well, we wanted to open presents BEFORE dinner…” blah blah blah….Well, make sure the kids get their naps that afternoon and we should be set. Who CARES if we wait until evening to open presents.

I'm so upset right now.

But so in love with Trent.

Because he has been VERY stern with his family that there's nothing we can do about it. We will get there when we get there. It could be crappy outside, too so they have to take that into account. He talked to his mom about it earlier today…then his dad called and left this long message complaining about it….I wasn't supposed to hear, I'm sure, but Trent has the voicemail on speakerphone while he was in his office.

I sat and cried…and asked him if anything was up…He was calling his parents back and told me to NOT go in the room. It was on speakerphone again and while I couldn't hear what his mom was saying…I heard what Trent was saying….

But I still feel like crying. I really do. I'm pissing everyone off…..

Everyone I know, even myself for once, is having such good luck with losing weight…some reaching goals they never thought they'd reach. Myself for example…I weighed in this morning at 133, which is HUGE for me!  The last time I remember seeing that number was in November 2005…AFTER not feeling well for a few days. Lol….And after that weigh in, I kept gaining and gaining until I hit almost 150 (February 2007). After seeing myself in pictures, I wasn't happy about it. I had gotten lazy and my anxiety was bad.
My goal used to be 125, but I think as long as I hit 130, I think I'm going to be plenty happy with that. And continue to exercise and eat well to maintain that. If I lose a few more after that, fine…but I'm not going to force the issue on my body.  :)   I'm going to be anxious enough in the coming months!

Have you heard about those glowing cats they cloned in Korea?? If that's not playing God, I don't know WHAT is…

Seriously, this is weird.

I have cramps. So bad. Oh, so bad. I'm dying.

Ok, not really, but they're bad. They didn't even seem to get bad until after I came back from working out this afternoon. Aren't workouts supposed to HELP cramps?? I guess not!

I'm still knitting. Sorry I have not posted much lately. I warned you that this would probably happen with the holidays happening. :p

I've had a really rough day….PMS is due in town and I am just feeling the blahs. I have done nothing by cry today. Trent came home from lunch and was like “WTF?” and kind of freaked out by it, whoops. I'm just feeling totally overwhelmed.  My main thing today? My unemployment check for this bi-week is due tomorrow and I'm flipped out because I wrote out my first half of tuition check on Monday….and I'm so scared that it will clear before I get my check into the bank. Sigh. . .No, it won't “bounce” because I have protection through my credit union. However, it will take my account into the negative AND charge me $25. Which isn't that big a deal, no, but I have big checks coming through to clear and it's not going to leave me very much for the next couple of weeks. You know, to survive on. Not that $25 is a lot, but it is to me. Sigh….I'm going to be just fine, I know….I have another check due in on December 28, so I can really take a deep breath and CHILL, I know, I know. But I'm flustered because I have other things to buy for Christmas….and the list goes on.

That and I'm getting worn out by knitting all of these presents and trying to take time to work on my graduate school application (good news– I have the rough drafts of all 6 of them complete, so I not just have to clean them up a bit….which I'll do the week after Christmas. :D). Then the horrible costs of books next semester ($162 for biology bundle and $119 for ONE damn book for human development).

I shouldn't be freaking out. I know that even if that check clears tonight that I'm not going to die. I'm going to survive the next two weeks on very little and I'm going to be ok.  I have a roof over my head and a loving boyfriend who won't let me starve. Lol. . .And…..I almost forgot about this until today….

As of November 29th: My credit cards are 100% paid OFF!!!!!!!

So, yeah, I have got to chill. Granted…I'm still paying on a medical bill or two (and those pending looming student loans), but it could be worse. In 6-8 months time, my credit will finally be at a place where I will be able to get my student loans for grad school…without having a denial because of my past shady credit issues. And having those horrible credit cards paid off makes me feel great.