I feel like I’ve lost touch lately, with my closest friends. There’s not a get deal of reciprocity happening, I guess. Maybe I feel like I’m the only one that ever writes, ever calls. At least with some. It’s kind of hard. Sometimes I like to pretend it doesn’t even bother me all that much.

But it bothers me today.

In class today we got to write goals for a partner in class. My friend Jessica and I wrote goals for each other. And we each wrote a meaningful, measurable goal that we would have to track.

For me…I hate talking on the phone. I don’t like calling people. I don’t like always having to be the one to call people. Seriously. I don’t. It’s exhausting. I’m busy as HELL with life and I always end up having to do all the work in almost every single relationship. Family. Friends. Everyone. I didn’t rant like this at Jessica.  Just to you guys.

Anyway. So my goal is to basically get over that anxious feeling when I pick up the phone to call my friends and family.

“Melissa will call 2 different friends each week for 4 weeks to help her reduce her anxiety of talking to someone on the phone.”

If I have your phone number? I might be calling you!

Oh RIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHT. This one.

Blogging has NOT been on my mind lately. In fact, I’m sure you’ve already noticed that by the very little I ever write these days. I recently went on vacation and in the past, I was all gung-ho about getting online when returning home so I could tell everyone all about it. But there’s nothing much to tell. Went to Florida. It was chillier than expected. Ate a lot of bad food. Spent lots of time with the husband. Relaxed a lot. Looked a bit at the local real estate. Came home.

I’ve got nothing else to say and I’m a bit embarrassed about it I guess. I have a lot to do this weekend, which includes catching back up on homework before Monday. And I just don’t have time to blog.

I don’t want to go on a break. And I don’t want to take the blog down. But I feel like blog writing right now is just a chore.

I will write when I want to write, I guess. And while some people get all bored and can’t stand when people only talk about their fitness, diet and weight goals, I think I’ll still choose to talk about that at least weekly on hear.

I just can’t promise more than one entry a week right now. Maybe later.

Just not now.

That’s right. It’s time for a vacation. Somewhere warmer than Michigan.

Be back in one week!

I had fun at the hair stylist today. I asked for red! It’s not as bold actually as I had originally asked for (I wanted something a tad more chunky!) but it looks amazing! Added to the caramel highlights and the dark lowlights I already had? Amazing effect. Something to help put a little sunshine into my anxious life!

I have no idea when it started up again.  Could be the fact that I stopped taking my ADHD medication…which normally wouldn’t bother some…But its not a stimulant…It’s more of a med that screws around with your neurotransmitters. Which is the reason I was taking it…It’s shown to help those who have anxiety because of their ADHD. I don’t know why I even stopped taking it though. Maybe because around the time I had that upper respiratory infection, I just didn’t want to pop ONE MORE PILL. Then I eventually just forgot to take it. Needless to say within a week, I had episodes of IBS and anxiety that made me nearly completely fall apart.  So I started it back up again…And I had forgotten the evil side effects of the first week back on something like that. Anxiety attacks. Heart racing. Stomach in knots, unable to eat because I’m so afraid I’m going to get sick. Thinking not so great thoughts, having moments of depression and than rage.

And then the worst of the symptoms dissipate.  And I’m left wondering right now why my symptoms of anxiety haven’t gone away just yet. I can’t get into my doctor. I mean, I could early next week if I wanted to. But, oh, wait…Yeah, I’ll be in Floriday. The next available appointment is March 9th.  And I refuse to see any other doctor about this; my doctor UNDERSTANDS ME, DOESN’T LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M CRAZY, and most of all, CARES. Until then I can only hope and pray that I’m able to make it to tomorrow (a long day, by the way, at my internship, when really all I want to do is begin my spring break, like YESTERDAY with all of my other classmates). Then through Saturday for a good friend’s bridal shower, then Sunday through the flight to Florida (OMG, I’m going to need to drug myself up or something if I’m feeling the way I feel RIGHT NOW)…

I can’t stand being such a burden on my husband while I’m dealing with this (he is so good to me, by the way. So understanding…I’m so afraid that I’m going to make him snap….Thank God he has the patience I could never have).  Most of all, I can’t stand that I still have to rely on a pill to get me through life.  But I’ve already seen what it does to me when I’m not on it. And it’s not good.